I am sure you have heard about the movie "The Bucket List." Two men, who
are dying, compile a list of all the things they want to do before "the end."
The movie teaches us to live life to the fullest and to use a list to chart your
life's course. To many this makes perfect sense. Having a purpose certainly
eliminates the pointless day-to-day trivia that we hate. I agree that everyone
should have a life plan but I believe if you are single, it becomes imperative
that you identify what is significant to you and that you address those needs
before making another commitment.
Too often when we become single we want to quickly disperse with the awkward "no
person in our life" situation and find someone else to fill the void. We lose
our souls because we are too hasty when choosing a new mate. Now we have the
opportunity to fulfill some long dormant dreams, so don't be so quick to pick
out the new companion, just yet.
Before you commit, make a list of the things you always wanted to do if you were not encumbered with marriage. You know those imaginings; a trip to Paris, yoga classes, golf lessons, going back to school. Be all-inclusive about the list; this is your time to dream big. Don't worry about money; often where there is a will there is a way.
Then begin work on the list: start small, perhaps your wish is to plan a weekly get together with friends. Call them and set up a date for the next three months. You now have one thing to cross off your bucket list and the enthusiasm starts to grow. You realize that you enjoy your watercolor classes and now want to try pottery. Those ski lessons are opening up a whole new world of opportunities and friendships. The process is infectious; you are now engaging in life!
Why do you need a singles bucket list? When your marriage is over, you are often at one of the lowest points in your life. You are desperate and you are willing to accept any new companion rather than THE best companion. Under those circumstances you will not make yourself any happier and misery often prevails. This is now the time to put aside the misery and think out of the box. When making your bucket list, keep reminding yourself that you are entitled to have it all. Since you are solely responsible for that happiness, you need to make the decisions as to what you want to do with the next six months, year or ten years. A "significant other" in your life will not necessarily make you glow but living your life contented will let your spirits soar.
As your confidence grows you will find some amazing things happen. You are no longer willing to settle for less than the best for your life. You no longer need a mediocre relationship; you are free to pursue the happily ever after. A simple single's bucket list can open up new horizons and the remarkable thing to remember is that you are the one doing all the choosing. Your choices will cause an outpouring of creativity, joy and courage and you will be amazed at how much one person can accomplish. The more you are in control, the more you will want to be and when a new love comes along you will recognize how successful relationships get started. The perfect partnership is a combination of passion, humor, shared interests and comfort. If you are comfortable with yourself it will show a potential mate your best assets. So begin your single's bucket list today; your future depends on it.
He is a renowned author, speaker, and life coach for the person who becomes suddenly single through death or divorce. Nowak is the author of The ABCs of Widowhood a book of practical advice in an easy to read format for those who face one of life's greatest challenges. Nowak has appeared on MSNBC's Market Watch and FOX News as a financial expert and on Match.com giving dating advice to those suddenly single. http://www.abcsofwidowhood.com
